May 28, 2024 Magazine \ Intimacy

4 Instant Intimacy Boosters
It's playground stuff on the highest levels of sport - guys (and yes, Marion Jones, too) seizing on every opportunity to enhance their performance with supplements and drugs. Makes me wonder: Why do we seek all these advantages in hitting a ball or running a race, and ignore the sneaky (but legal!) advantages that we could gain in the most important game most of us play - the game of love and romance?

So to change the subject from those sports cheaters a bit, I'm proposing healthy ways you can jump-start your hormones, boost your own libido-arousing brain chemicals, and give your whole relationship an extra boost of all-natural adrenaline. Here are four ways to set your own love and lust records (Congressional inquiry not included):

Shot 1: They Add Adventure to their Romance

Research shows that adventurous men and women have more testosterone (good for libido). You can amp up the intensity of your relationship by amping up the intensity of your activities.

That doesn't mean that you necessarily need to do something really risky, like skydive or punch out a paparazzi. But it does mean that adding a little element of risk to your typical Saturday to-do list will make you - and your relationship - feel a little more alive than usual.

Take a rock-climbing class, or book a white-water rafting trip. Not up for that? Riding a roller coaster will give you a quick shot, as will seeing a scary movie.

Shot 2: They Cyber Flirt when They're Apart

One of the big complaints I hear from men and women about what goes wrong in a relationship is that it can feel staler than yesterday's bagel. After the novelty has worn off and the commitment has solidified, the closest thing anyone will hear to flirting is "can you please grab me a diet soda from the fridge?"

Try this: If you haven't already, set up instant-messaging accounts. Then, if you have a laptop and a desktop, initiate a convo while your partner's in one room and you're in another. Let sexual tension mount and innuendos fly, and you're off and running.

Bonus: In this scenario, you're only a room away. Or better still: You can conduct this dirty dialogue when he's in his workplace, and she's in hers, which means tonight's reunion will be good for more than just a distracted peck on the cheek.

Shot 3: They Show up on Each Others' Turf

It's good for relationships when each party has his or her own interests. She goes to yoga three days a week; he plays Ultimate Frisbee on Sunday afternoons. Space is good.

But more than you do now, make a point to watch, participate in, or ask about each other's outside activities. She'll be thrilled that he's risking his hamstrings (and dignity) to experience what downward dog is all about; he'll be ego-stroked when she's sitting on the sidelines as he hits disc paydirt. Independence is good, interdependence is better.

Shot 4: They Take a Walk on the Wild Side

Routine is great when it comes to some things (like car maintenance), but routine can also be the drizzle on the tinder of a hot relationship. So, here's what you do: Identify one part of your relationship where you feel like you're in a rut, and find a way to break that routine. This will help you overcome the obstacles to sex that everyone faces.

It doesn't have to be a major overhaul, just subtle changes that send the message to your partner that you're going to keep the surprises coming. If Sunday is chores day, plan brunch out with a group of friends, instead - but make sure you order wisely each and every time (go ahead, have the Bloody Mary).

If you haven't had sex on a Monday since the Bangles were popular, hit the sack instead of watching the State of the Union Address on January 28th. (Big sacrifice, I know; just do it for of the state of your union!) If you resolve to change things up in 2008, you'll fire things up as well.
Posted on 30 Jul 2008
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