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Dating and The Principles |
The wonderful thing about The Principles is that they can be used on absolutely any problem and, when it comes to dating, they can be transformational. It takes a fair amount of work, willingness and self-examination to use The Principles on love and dating. Today, let's start with an overview.
Surrender - We've all kissed a lot of frogs while looking for our prince or princess. We make jokes about bad dates. We pretend that the selfish, shutdown people we date don't hurt us with their behavior. What if you just had a good, long cry instead and really opened up your heart to how lonely you feel? Maybe it will help you want to make some changes.
Hope - Do you have a god or a higher power? When you look up at the night sky, with the wind blowing through the tree branches, do you have a feeling that there is something up there? If you don't, this is a problem that you need help with and there is hope.
Faith - You've carried this loneliness around all by yourself for too long. Go to your church, sit in meditation, look at the night sky, or gaze out over the ocean. Now, crazy as it may sound, say, "Please help me." And have faith.
Responsibility - Think back over all of those dates. Why did you pick these people? How emotionally available were you? Can you find something in each and every date that you could have done better?
Honesty - Now you'll have to talk with someone about what you found when you took responsibility for your dates. Grab a friend or talk to your spiritual advisor. You can even post your thoughts here on The Principles. Just share it.
Reflection - When you took responsibility for your failures in dating, did certain character defects come up again and again? Most of us can be selfish, desperate, greedy, demanding, superficial or defensive at times. Did any of these come up in your dating behavior?
Humility - If you've been honest, you're probably pretty sick of yourself and the way you behave while dating. It's time to ask your higher power to take away some of these defects of character before your next date.
Willingness - Thought you were just going to start over with a clean slate? Not so fast. Write down a list of all people you've had bad dates with and think about whether you're willing to clean up some of the messes you've made before you start dating again.
Forgiveness - This is the cringe-making part of using The Principles. The good news is that you don't have to apologize to the people you've had terrible dates with. The even better news is that you get to admit to them when you were wrong and ask them if there is anything you can do to make it up to them. Amend your behavior. The Principles deal with amends, not apologies.
Perseverance - You'll mess up again. You're human. When you do, try to look at your part in the bad date and admit it. Right away.
Spiritual Seeking - If you've been desperately trying to find love, maybe it's because you don't believe that there is a god or higher power that really does want you to be happy. Whether it is prayer, meditation, walking on the beach or hiking in the mountains, anything that brings you calm and connection to a higher power is going to make you a better dater.
Service - Oh, get over yourself. Go volunteer somewhere. Think about something or someone else for an afternoon. When you're focused on helping others, you'll be at your most appealing and you might even meet someone.
Sound like a lot? It can be. Sound too simplistic? It's really not. Just think about it. Are you already using some of The Principles in your dating life?
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| Posted on 06 Mar 2009 |
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