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Questions to ask each other before you say "I do" |
So you've said "yes" to each other, to marriage, to a lifetime together. A moment like that can spill right into joyful wedding planning, but there is some other planning a couple needs to do before focusing on a ceremony and a day of celebration. Money planning -- not for one day but for your life together as a couple.
When couples come together, they bring different approaches to money and often different lessons learned about handling money. Guaranteed, money will always be difficult to talk about as a couple and will often be the source of disagreements that lead to arguments. If you start the money conversation before marriage, you'll likely get off to a better start than many couples. So before you decide how many people to invite to the wedding and how much you should spend on a reception, here are some questions to ask each other about money to start life as a couple on solid financial ground.
1. How many accounts do you have, and what kind are they? (Checking, savings, money markets?) How long have you had them? Start with an inventory of the accounts you both hold and how you handle them. Do you balance checking accounts at the end of the month? Do you do your banking online? As this 25-question checklist from Real Simple magazine notes, if your partner has maintained one checking account for many years and checks it to make sure there are no mistakes, those are good signs of financial stability.
2. How many credit cards do you have, and how do you use them? Set aside lots of time to talk about credit cards. Since we are coming down from a consumer-credit frenzy, there's a good chance one or both of you have run up some scary balances on credit cards. Ask each other if you've ever maxed out a credit card, or if you pay off balances at the end of every month. If either or both of you have credit-card debt, you need to total it so you can come up with a plan to pay it off and get rid of it. Tackling debt is the first thing you need to do as a couple before you can achieve financial goals for your future.
3. What other debt do you have? Credit-card debt is only one kind. Chances are there are some student debts or car loans, too, and you need to decide how to tackle all of your debt for the same reasons as above.
4. Have you checked your credit score lately? We should each be checking on our credit reports and scores to make sure our credit is in good standing for when we need to apply for loans (once credit is available again!) Go to AnnualCreditReport.com to get credit reports from the three major consumer credit reporting companies. It's a good idea to do this once a year, and to definitely do so six months before you plan to apply for a major loan since it may take time to clear up problems or fix errors on the report.
5. Should we have separate, joint, or separate and joint accounts? Once you know how many accounts you each have, how much is in them, and how much you will need to spend on monthly expenses, you'll need to decide whether to merge your accounts, keep separate accounts or agree on a combination of the two. There is no one right answer. But you need to decide what works for you as a couple, and to make sure money decisions are transparent and up-front. Stacy Rapacon gives examples of how each arrangement works for different couples in this Kiplinger.com article.
7. How will we make buying decisions? To avoid arguments over individual purchases and to keep on track with your financial goals as a couple, it's a good idea to decide what purchase decisions should be made together and which should not. Maybe it will be a dollar cutoff ($100 or more, for example). Or maybe it will fall to household purchases. But whatever you decide, recognize that money matters are often tied up in emotional issues such as independence. So it's better to talk about the role emotions play than to shove them aside and spend individually as you please.
8. Who will be responsible for paying bills and preparing taxes? The day-to-day nitty gritty of finances needs to be addressed. You need to talk about who will take care of the monthly bills, if you'll split them, and what accounts they will be paid from. Same goes for taxes: whether you prepare them youselves or hire an accountant (another decision), one of you needs to be on top of keeping good records.
9. Do our work benefits overlap, and do you have insurance? These are the kinds of question that grow in importance if you own a home together or have children. But it's good to consider them early on in your relationship, too.
10. What are our money goals? Fact is, we need money to achieve most of our goals in life -- be it a house, travel, having children and paying for their education, and finally, retiring to a comfortable lifestyle. You may think you share the same goals, but until you ask each other, you won't know for sure. Talk it out. One of you may want to work less if and when you have young children, while the other assumes you'll both keep working full time. One of you may want to travel, while the other hopes to buy a boat. You get the idea. Talking about your goals will help you figure out how to handle your money day to day in a way that meshes with your future aims as a couple.
Asking these questions early on and starting the conversation before you say "I do" will make it easier to revisit money talk, which may not be as fun as pillow talk but is certainly as vital to your relationship.
by Dory Devlin |
| Posted on 19 Oct 2008 |
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